Lawyers Jokes

Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: A party.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, “Fees!”

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.